Friday, February 18, 2011

Mike Tyson Fact List

 This is a work in progress. Mike Tyson was known for being a controversial heavyweight boxing champion in the late 80s and 90s. For the ones who may be familiar with the Chuck Norris Fact List, it pretty much follows the same procedure. Some of the facts I made are partially borrowed from the epic Chuck Norris Fact List. Enjoy.

* The only ways to a man's heart is Mike Tyson's fist or teeth.

* Mike Tyson has the capability of knocking you out by a simple stare-down.

* It has been known that Mike Tyson can genetically alter a man's face with a punch.

* Humans normally have 23 chromosomes. Mike Tyson was born with 69, thus being three times the man you are.

* Mike Tyson created the first woman by punching a man twice in the chest and biting off his genitals with his bare teeth.

* Mike Tyson's fist has been used as a oil drill.

* The next time you are in extreme cold weather, wear protection. If you don't, you will risk being bitten not by frost, but by Mike Tyson.

* Mike Tyson invented fire, fighting, biting, and sexual reproduction...at the same time.

* The famous crack on the Liberty Bell was caused by a devastating uppercut from Mike Tyson.

* Mike Tyson sawed off the legs of the periodic table with his teeth.

* The melting of the ice caps is due to a Mike Tyson punch.


* Continental drift was caused when Mike Tyson thrusted his fist into Pangea.


* Dinosaurs managed to piss off Mike Tyson once. A mass extinction soon followed.


* The universe began when Mike Tyson punched Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

* Mike Tyson punched out the sun one time. It resulted in an ice age.

* Mike Tyson used the moon as a punching bag, thus why the moon has so many craters.

* Mike Tyson, does in fact, eat children for breakfast.

* Stonehenge is actually made of solidified bodies of Mike Tyson's victims throughout the years.

* There is no actual Holy Grail. The Holy Grail you seek is Mike Tyson's gold tooth.

* Mike Tyson gave Charles Manson such a devastating uppercut that Manson grew ten inches and a massive beard. Since that moment, Manson has been hiding, going by the name of "Osama Bin Laden."

* Mike Tyson lost his job being a psychic, for every time he predicted pain, he was correct.

* Mike Tyson doesn't wait for lines. Lines properly disperse due to fear of getting bitten or punched out.

* Ozzy Osbourne bites off the heads of bats. Mike Tyson bites off the heads of sledgehammers.

* Confucius said: Mike Tyson. The listeners ran away.




* According to Genesis, God took the seventh day off. God was really watching Mike Tyson do his work.

* Mike Tyson stopped the bullets from hitting John F. Kennedy with his bare fists. Due to shear awesomeness, JFK's head exploded.

* The Titanic went down due to a deadly dispute between Mike Tyson and Theodore Roosevelt. Tyson believed that Teddy was questioning his manhood by saying "Speak softly and always carry a big stick." Tyson got offended and punched Roosevelt into the Titanic.

* The movie "Jaws" was originally going to have Mike Tyson as the shark, but he took the role way too seriously and ate everybody's ears off of the production crew.

* Mike Tyson is the reason why "they" killed Kenny.

* Roses are red, violets are blue; your ear goes missin' when Mike Tyson is done with you.

* Mike Tyson's fists are dubbed "Truth" and "Consequences." If you do not tell the truth after "Truth" hits you, bad "Consequences" shall follow.

* Mike Tyson's grin scared Michael Jackson white.

* Mike Tyson never used a pacifier when he was an infant. Instead, he used his pet dog's ear. The rest is history.

* Mike Tyson has the ability to punch a man so effectively that his offspring will come out punch-drunk.

* Mike Tyson has been the life of parties he's never attended.

* Whenever Mike Tyson punches a person, the person typically fights the urge of thanking him.

* As humans have a week dedicated to sharks, sharks have a week dedicated to Mike Tyson.

* Mike Tyson's mother has a tattoo that reads "SON."

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